you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
