is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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