The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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