Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
