Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
