Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
