Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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