I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
