Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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