I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
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