There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
