Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Randomize
