Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
