What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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