Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
