You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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