TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
