Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
