oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
