How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize
