my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
