I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
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