You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
