so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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