Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
True strength comes from lack of pants
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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