He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
