This girl is more easily done than said...
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
can u get pink eye on your cock?
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
