How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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