When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
