Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
