I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
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