ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
