My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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