What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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