i jhust puked up my retainher.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
