Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Randomize
