How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
