you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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