i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
