You kept calling me your small dog last night.
birth control should be required to get into college
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
