How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize