What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I have aggressive nipples.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
