i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Randomize
