Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
3 2 1 whiskey
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
