this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
