Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
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