I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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