like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
