dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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