Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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