well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
You did what with his pubic hair?
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
