I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
