Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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