You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Randomize
