I'm drive I can fine osifer
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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