i just wanna soil my oats bro
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
