he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
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