Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
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