Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
