he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
