Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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