His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I pour the whiskey from now on
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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