Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
