why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Randomize
