I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Randomize
