belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize