Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Randomize
