Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize
