so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize
