Whod you bang
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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