after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
