on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
