I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
